I love him cause
He’s everything I want
He listens to me, he cares for me
So I truly believe-Jeniffer Hudson
27/06/2023
Dear Diary- He has to come back to me
I am writing this in bed while wearing my green and white pyjamas and my black robe. I should be at work today but a lot has been happening let’s say I am not in the right place mentally. So I decided to take a week away from work, firstly because I lost interest in something that I used to love doing. Secondly, I am ashamed to face my colleagues after my anxiety attack yesterday afternoon. To be honest, I have been anxious about a lot of things. I just need a break from the world, I need to keep up because everything is happening so fast. I have become a stranger in my body.
Yesterday Tinashe visited me in my dream, he has been a regular visitor in my dreams. Maybe that is why l look forward to going to bed, it comes with the excitement of meeting and spending time with my lover. In my dreams Tinashe is happy, he smiles and laughs a lot and his hugs are so warm. Maybe it is all in my head but Tinashe is my voice of reason, he encourages me to challenge myself and he assures me whatever I am going through will pass. Maybe Tinashe and I will have our happy ever after in our dreams but shouldn’t our dreams become a reality?
Yesterday he is the first person I thought of when I struggled to breathe and lost in my body. Tariro held my hand but it felt like Tinashe was there, I could feel his presence and I thought I was holding his hand and not Tariro’s. I like Tinashe, but maybe like isn’t the right word. Okay let’s say I love Tinashe but maybe he doesn’t love me and if that is it my world will crash. But he hasn’t told me right in my face that he doesn’t love me so just like what Mama said “ I should have faith”.
Sometimes I wonder if Tinashe ever thinks of me. If he ever wishes I was there on the battlefield with him. If he got a chance to call at home would he willingly dial my number without having second thoughts?
I hope that Tinashe will read this diary entry one day, he has slowly become a protagonist in the story of my life. He has to come back home to me when the war is over, I hope he will say the words I have been waiting for. The words that will make me smile and get to feel real butterflies in my stomach.
The Baobab 