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Thula nhliziyo yami

Today I drove myself to a mental health and wellness center. There is no need to keep running away. It is high time I face all my demons, if I die then at least I tried. But dying would mean that I have failed Sizwe. How will she remember me when she is only two? I cried when I left my baby at my Amwene’s house but I am good as a grenade when I do explode I might end up hurting people who are close to my heart.

2022 was a good year, I managed to avoid all the possible triggers and I was okay. I was proud of myself for giving my mental health a big chunk of my time and my energy. 2023 was going on well but everything just went south and I became a spectator in my own body. It is the thought of losing my mind that kept me awake at night. Then came the loss of concentration and I lost interest in all the activities that made me happy. I became angry at myself and I ended up scolding my child and shouting at my husband. I lost interest in my job and I would sit at my desk and fail to come up with a design for a new fabric material.

My husband saw all the signs and in a bid to help me, I pushed him away. To be honest a human being reaches a breaking point. I hope that the note I left on the kitchen counter will make me realise how sorry I am. I hope that he will love the broken glass I have turned into. I hope to walk out of this place a healed woman and ready to be an amazing wife and mother. I hope they will be waiting for me because the thought of Sizwe and Thomas is the only thing that will keep me going in here.


Published by tcndangana

The girl with an overactive imagination

4 thoughts on “Thula nhliziyo yami

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