I was hopeful that one day she would come back home and I was always the first one to rush to the door every time someone knocked on the door. How I wanted to pick up the phone and hear her voice , I wanted to see her smile. All I ever wanted was to be able to see my mother again. My life has been seasoned with grief , anger and a lot of unanswered questions. Guilt consumed me and I grew to hate myself because I believed that if I had come back from the store on time my mother would had never left.
My mother’s hugs were warm but I never appreciated them enough when she was still around. Sadly on the day my mother decided to leave I realized that without her I am good as nothing. My days were good as the cold winter mornings in Hwedza . I wanted my mother to hug me and make me smile , I wanted my mother to scold me for not brushing my teeth. Every time my little sister cried her crying was contagious and we would both say ‘Ndinoda Mama‘.
Baba has showered us with gifts and he has been there for us but deep down I know that he knows the reason why my mother decided to leave. It has been over a decade but the WOUNDS will never heal, they will never stop bleeding. All I ever wanted was my mother’s touch and Mai Jonso has been there for us.
My mother decided to leave because she was in an abusive marriage and this explains the puffy eyes,a battered face tear streaks on her cheeks. Ma wanted to liberate herself , she wanted to be alive and be happy . Ma chose to leave and even if I came back home early she could have left. She chose to leave because she wanted to.