Wounds Part 2a

I always look forward to going home after a long day in the office because every morning when l leave the house I always carry a bag of regret on my shoulders. I am working on becoming a better husband and I  am going to treat my wife like a queen. The  toys are  scattered in the living room and  Mai Jonso is still here. This means that Jane is not back from work. How I wish she could quit her job, what if she meets a man who will live up to his word and never hurt her ?

Why would Jane write me a letter when she knows that I hate them ? She could have called or sent a voice note instead.

Dear Dumisani 

I never thought this day would come but I guess this is goodbye. I have been patient with you , I have justified your actions and I have never stopped loving you. Dumi I hate goodbyes but if I stay I am afraid that I will be digging my own grave .I am sorry for loving you and believing that one day  you would stop being violent. I am sorry for believing that we would decide to go for counselling and be happy again. I have decided to let go because holding on has WOUNDED me.

Your gifts and the holiday vacations were very thoughtful of you , but nothing will ever bring back a part of me that I has died.  I have left  the children behind because I know that you would not rest until you brought us home and I know that you deeply love them. Dumi I want to be happy again, I want to wake up and look in the mirror without shedding a tear. I want  to apply make up just because I want to not because I have to hide the bruises and the blue eye.

You never lived by word and every morning when you apologized  the armour inside of me cracked. It cracked because you were lying to me. I do not know where I will sleep tonight but  please do not look for me because I want to be free.

Please take care of the kids and take care of yourself too.

Lots of love

your wounded and battered wife Jane

Published by tcndangana

The girl with an overactive imagination

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